1. Been stressed for prolonged period,

2. Catching virus from groupmate which has remained dormant till there was a trigger

3. Crying so hard for two days the mucus was lodged in my throat and allowed the bacteria/virus to grow and emotional stress causing my immune system to let up (my own diagnosis)

Felt like my face was puffed up the entire day and my nose was continuously running, not sure whether due to flu or that it couldn't stop after being constantly activated.

I'm moving on, moving on. Life goes on! I am okay.

Tonight I gave myself a night off from work, got into bed at 11plus but due to my highly adjusted body clock I'm lying in bed wide awake doing nothing and just daydreaming about random stuff. Am liking this type of feeling very much! Schoolwork has been really tough but ain't gonna start whining about it now. Will persevere, and anticipate the end!

What set me in a sharing mood was a quote I read a few days ago that I constantly kept in my working memory ever since... A typical quote, nothing special, but it was strangely relevant for myself and probably anyone in a romantic relationship out there. It went something like 'If there are a million ways to prove that someone loves you, why keep finding one reason to prove that the person doesn't?'

There have been times that I find myself getting upset over very small things in the relationship, thinking that I could do a better job if I were in the other party's situation, then attributing his actions to lack of love for me, and that i must love him more than he does for me. But after cooling down and settling my emotions, putting away all the righteousness and unjust, I remember all the other things that he has done, all the efforts he is putting in the relationship, his sincerity and passion into making things work, that I would feel so ashamed to accuse him that he doesn't love me enough. It is so ridiculous that I could actually overlook all other ways he's showing his love for me, and believe that he doesn't just because one small stupid thing. I always thought I was rational and clearminded but I guess I'm just as vulnerable to such whims of unreasonable emotions as any other girl.

I'm not sure whether I would change but I definitely know that, emotions at that point aside, I'll never use these small things to prove that he doesn't love me. Because I may just be putting restraints in how high the relationship can soar by focusing on the wrong things.

In fact, I think I may just be the luckiest girl in the world :)

My dad has been waking earlier and earlier to go for work, from six plus till now three plus. Am not sure whether it was the company's intention or my dad's own, but knowing my dad is one of the slowest employees there due to his age, he prefers to be one of the earliest to arrive at the company so he could stock up his van faster and leave for work earlier. Only then would he be able to finish in good time, and come home early to rest.

Each time I thought about this I feel a tug in my heart but today, I feel an extra sense of inadequacy building up. Being a hotheaded adolescent I am, I have always righteously held on to the belief that I have my freedom in passion and interests, and therefore spend lots of time outside, committing my attention and spending money on everything else but home. Now I look at my books and my inability to concentrate and feel unjust about all the money I am sapping from my dad's CPF for my education.

And it's not like my dad has a luxurious job. Recently when he fell sick I was so worried, over him having to work still and that he's going to have a hard time completing the day's work. And I felt even more inadequate thinking that there is no way I can help him other than to make sure I study well and get a job good enough to let my parents have a rest for the remainder of their lives.

And I would lament why my older brothers can't seem to contribute enough, of at all, to relieve the stress in the family, especially on my father. I would blame myself for stubbornly continuing to place my priorities in my own interests.

But what use is there in blaming myself when I'm not doing anything about it? Maybe someday, soon, I gotta accept that chasing dreams is simply something that is not my privilege. I need to sort out my priorities. How long more can my father take his job? How long more can I be in denial before stepping up to the role my brothers cannot fulfill?

Enough of these thoughts.. If I want to start, I need to get back to my books at the very least.

Have a good day at work and be safe, dad.

I won't fall. I forbid myself to. I would think these sources of motivation in life are really only bonuses. And maybe if I were resilient enough, more bonuses will come my way. They are after all subjective.

To think about it, I may already possess many, but they're all hidden behind my curtains of gloom. I'd better pick myself up before I turn into someone I would hate. No self-pity, please. I will not be a hypocrite.

每首歌都有它的專屬回憶

或許是一段故事 或許是某些情緒

人人對音樂和語言 都有不同見解與喜好

我一直傾向中文歌曲

因為許多中文歌曲所帶出的情感 和詞中的詩意 話中話

是其他語言的歌曲無法詮釋的

儘管中文歌曲不再受歡迎 它在我心中的意義 永遠不變