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Thursday, February 04, 2010

this week has been the most conflicting week for me so far since the year started. to be in a constant dilemma, to be trapped between options and problems etc. the body is taking a toll on me im getting periodic headaches not to mention it's the time of the month. my mood hits rock bottom with many things to worry, whether or not they directly concern me.

but there's still the other extreme end of the mood that surfaced, was very pleasantly surprised by some councillors (especially geri) who surprised me for my birthday 5 days before the actual day :D it was a genuine surprise, i really didnt expect it. was really happy even though i was sporting the pounding headache. carrying 8 big green helium balloons around orchard and the mrt was AA but i couldnt care less about it. thanks for the wonderful cake (they decorated themselves!!) and presents, <3! and sorry if this thing caused any inconvenience (eg. collin carrying balloons all around) and trouble.. am really happy and it was memorable :) love to geri wanswen collin kenrick zhengjun victoria!

emotions at both of the extremes cant really seem to balance out each other, i just find myself swinging from one end to the other, it's the ultimate. i cant feel more screwed up than this... aye but i predict i'll be on a constant high tmr during mass dance @ suntec! totally cant wait for it. TGIF.

fading*away ;
9:51 PM

Monday, January 18, 2010

hahaha logged into blogger just to see how many posts i have in order to reply wanswen at her tagboard and decided i should come and talk talk about what's happened recently. ahh it sounds like such a no-point post!

new year... started work zomg :( i feel my life wasted away typing in data after data. the job is so brainless yet so draining!! i keep finding myself drifting out of focus and my subconsious mind continues to control my body to do the job while i daydream about other stuff. and! i would panic and not realise what i have been typing and check every single thing again (miraculously my subconscious state is an efficient and effective one!)

i sometimes find no purpose in my job since im doing the data entry for records and not really anyone would go look at it ever again after i did them! besides they have the actual records on paper which they file away and keep, just that they are in another format. argh, while spending hours in the office i feel my life and time slipping away. therefore i try to regain my life in the weekends before i become an office zombie.

johnny's bday came and went, wasted part of the day cos i arrived late at his house and somemore got attracted to some science-y magazines i always liked hahah. but aye the day passed, he ate his long desired carl's junior and before we could even digest we started walking towards the place we wanted dinner at hahah. timbre! the environment is really nice, but even though we went super early the whole place was booked we had to sit in the smoking area (but ventilation is good since it's alfresco dining. (but i later read from hungrygowhere.com that the service there is horrible. thank god we didnt ask for much)

fort canning is such a beautiful place. :)

class bbq was a success! thanks phyllis naomi and anyone else that helped organize it :D i was surprised at the attendance, and i love the name of the condo (aquarius by the park hahaha)! it's nice to see almost the whole class together, considering we arent super bonded! for once junfeng washed his hands off the bbq pit since he wore a white shirt, but you could like see him fidget everywhere and throwing exasperated glances at the rest of the guys (minus ryan) being headless houseflies barbecueing things! truth dare or drink was quite fun even though i think the iphone was biased against me. then all the intellectual talk while sitting by the pool under the stars... sigh sigh, hope we have more of such things :):) and i want the class photo! :D

i never dreaded monday in the past cos no matter how tiring school was i looked forward to it. but now that im working, i never need mondays to be less blue :( please tell me the week will be over soon.

fading*away ;
10:49 PM

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

following my degenerating brain comes a deteriorating memory; i feel the need to record what happened within the past awesome week lest i forget i ever had such good times before i plunge into the darkness of lives of the working population.

spent xmas eve till sunday with jon, hahha fully utilised his holiday break!

due to my malfunctioning body clock we only managed to go out xmas eve really late :/ had dinner at lot1 (freaking far!) then went to the night safari!! my first time :D eternal regret cos we didnt bring any decent camera :( had alot of fun, and love some animals especially the slow loris! it's so slow and cong rong, super cute! the performance was so popular we had to start queueing half an hour before in order to get slightly better seats. it was a great trip and was quite glad we completed the trail on foot and was just in time for the show :) it got abit too late when we finally left and reached my house, so he stayed over :D

he left at noon, but a few hours later i saw him again at his house for xmas dinner! it was like wah! the whole table filled with festive food! i've never had a proper xmas celebration complete with xmas meal before, so i felt the mood and bliss for the first time :) i still dont know why eating logcakes is a tradition :/

saturday was my mum's bday. mixed feelings cos it caused both happiness and disappointment. all those that were concerned should already know my story, about how i sincerely picked out a present (which isnt cheap) for my mum only for her to say she doesnt really like it, followed by bringing me back to the place the next day to ask for an exchange. but ohwells. at least that wasnt before i went for an awesome walk after the bday dinner with jona, from buangkok all the way to near fernvale before heading back :)

enjoyed solitude on sun after running someone's errand, borrowed some books and sat down at kfc (okay doesnt sound like a nice place to read but i was hungry) for a good hour plus. not to mention shopping alone, it's the bare amount of shopping i do but at least it was enjoyable (:

ah, monday. was da bomb! :D picnic at marina barrage with the orientation adhoc! ahhhh no words to describe but i went home a happy girl! from shopping for the picnic to travelling there to eating under the rain to shifting to shelter to reminiscing about the past to flying the kite to trying to get the kite to fly to the fountain of wealth to newyorknewyork for the yankee burger... i cherished what we were and what we have, and can only wish hard that these bonds would stay and we could have more of such outings in the future :) thanks oadhoc for all the memories we share.

and today is the mom-gets-angry-so-i-stay-at-home day :( aye, 5 days till i start work, till paying for adult fare for transport, till a routined life yet again. i will miss the freedom i have, sleeping in, meeting up random ppl in the day to catch up or just stone. 2010 is approaching fast, and i shall hold on to whatever 2009 i have left.

fading*away ;
8:56 PM

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

當你真心對待一個人的時候, 他一定會感受得到.

life's good. life feels good. great company, great times for the past week and more. sleeping at 4am and waking at 2pm doesnt feel bad. my breakfast is the lunch and my lunch is the dinner, and woohoo no dinner = less carb = lose weight. but no exercise = gain weight. so displacement zero. no loss no gain.

this is my laziest xmas preparation so far. i havent done/made/bought ANYTHING. omgosh. need to go shopping and start burning holes in my pocket. should i still send out (currently non-existant) cards?

i need to stop my brain from degenerating!

did i ever say im a closet dancer lols. trying to learn dances from youtube is kinda fun especially when ure noob and alone cos no one will be there to judge you :D went to search up ocean butterflies but they didnt put up course fees so :/ sigh!

been looking at the things around me and reflecting on certain relationships with people, dont know it's a good or bad thing since there are people whom i think i should catch up with but at the same time just feel like letting them go.

but anyway i am cherishing what i have, group of people that will solidly be there whenever i am in some crisis or just need a listening ear. after feb and after apr next year i dont know how many people i'll be left with. sigh.

treasure time cos it flies.

fading*away ;
9:49 PM

Friday, December 11, 2009

ah, finally some time to sit down and nua, been hectic since A's ended!

chalet was great, not only the place(it was actually 3 hotel rooms in orchid country club) but especially the company (: feels as if i've got a new family, everyone's warm and nice. thanks for the xmas present, it was a pleasant surprise :D aye, i am camera shy. a pity time flew by so fast :( :(

spent a bomb going out with my cousin and a bigger bomb shopping for prom. zomg. my savings are disappearing fast!!! shopping was fun though tiring, thanks esti sandy len sweej for helping me look out for stuff before hand and especially len and zhanyi for staying behind so long to help me get all my stuff! even i was tired, let alone y'all!

prom was alright, not fantastic but i was happy. post prom was da bomb, ktv at suites(branch of kbox) till 3am zomg the place is super nice! there were like 15 of us or smth and the room was big enough to contain! didnt have chance to sing much but it didnt matter at all!

went back to sweejin's place and zombiefied. we looked at the moon through sweejin's telescope awesome! it is like super high definition, we could see the craters on the surface of the moon super clearly! was so amazed. but i didnt stay awake enough to join their chat when the sun was rising heh. had good sleep.

yeh so finally it's resting time.

fading*away ;
1:27 AM

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

i relooked at all the presents i received and kept from secondary school this morning, and it set me into a pensieve mood. they were mainly qihang presents, some xubie presents, some birthday presents, and a lot, a lot of letters.

i felt childish looking at the conversations i had in the past, things that i was bothered about, and the presents which i gave others(i kept some of the extras). i was so stupid! i felt like burying my head in the ground even though there wasnt anyone here to scrutinise me but myself.

nevertheless, i had a great time reminiscing about the past. it was a journey i was thankful for. i never really cherished my time till i reached sec4 and had niwangheisidai, as well as the 3 si dang i had in class. it wasnt too late at that point of time, but when i dug out my stuff just now, i realised i had lost (or rather drifted from) too many people whom i could have treasured and kept in good contact till now.

there are three people whom i exceptionally feel a sense of remorse for not being a better friend to. just want to say here, though none of you might ever read this, that i do remember the times we had and have put them in the bottom of my heart, even though i didnt really express anything and didnt bother much to catch up..

jiayi
i was a childish junior, my goodness. i didnt know i actually kept all the letters we exchanged when i was in sec1. there were really a lot!! looking at those letters, i cannot imagine that we never became good friends eventually. actually i guess we were never really close as friends, i always looked onto you as a mentor, a senior that i was honoured to be acquainted with then. i laughed when you asked me in one letter if the rumours that i liked you were true. looking back i guess the people that spread the rumour had a point; i think i kinda looked up to you as an idol lol. in my impression, you were (and are) always the much more mature person than me even though you were only a year older (a few months if you are ngiao haha). i am glad i had you to listen to my rants about the stupid things that happened to me in sec 1, and gave me loads of advice too. we always wanted to go on an outing, but we never achieved it haha! abit ke xi that we werent that close anymore after 2004, even when i entered lishihui and we had xiaopin and tingkanbieshuo in 2006. there was just barrier between us that kept us from communicating more than work stuff. been in the same school with you for 4 years but :/ never used the opportunity to make the friendship work. nevertheless, i just want you to know that you played a part in my sn life, thanks and all the best for your future endeavours!

monica
tian tian mei. remember? it was so so so long ago. i must really apologise for the lack of initiative in keeping in contact, after you came back for good from qatar. my deepest and happiest memories with you still comes from the times in sec2charity when you came back to sn for awhile. those were really good times, and i was so sad when you left again! truly. all these years, your name has always been at the back of my mind, subconsciously stored under the 'impt friend' section. even till now. but i lacked the courage to catch up with you constantly because so many things have happened in your life which i have missed, and let it be. looking at the gifts i received from you, and the good luck for A level msg you sent out, i have indeed taken you for granted. not sure whether it is too late now, but i just want to tell you that i havent forgotten you, not at all. date me out someday if you see this...? :) i miss you.

louisa
hmm. i've left the hardest to say for the last. i dont know where to start. it's been long since i've talked to you. much longer than the two people mentioned above. actually i wonder how we became friends in the first place in sec1. we are obviously very different people, with super contrasting background, language, etc.. we were both stubborn, naive(in the past), and had all sorts of personality clashes that made it hard for anyone to believe that we were such close friends in sec 1. but we were. i remember the stupid times we fought; the whole class avoided us like nuclear bombs. it's funny to recall now... and we always reconciled and laughed about it after. it happened so many times in a year, i think we're pretty unique, haha. i remember you would bring an extra sausage for me in the mornings, and i would disturb you with your alarm tone(the pink phone haha -_-). i remember music lessons, dnt lessons, recess. i remember going to your house and see sniky lie flat on the ground like a carpet and how you always complained you were scared you would step on her. we had loads of memories just in the short year alone, before you went to purity (and breaking ur charity record) and we never talked again after awhile. i'm not sure why we stopped communicating... i dont remember us having any conflicts. it's just pure drift, and a scary one too. i've known myself to be a very passive person when it comes to maintaining friendships... and it has cost me a few precious ones, like yours. we are so different; it was a miracle we had such great memories together. as much as we may never ever return to the past or possibly talk again, i want you to know that i appreciated you as a friend. thanks for giving in your all into the friendship, it is your strength and i'm sure many people love you for it. these are things i always felt and never said.. not sure if you would see this but yepp. you get me, right?

aye.. burden off my chest. i guess i need to learn to be proactive in this kind of things. aquarius people are said to be emotionally detached, but maybe for me it's merely a facade.

but i am such a lousy friend.

i miss liyi charmaine peiyi
i miss xuezhen
MUST LOOK FOR YALL!!!
can't afford to lose yall too.

im going crazy :( crazy after releasing too much all at the same time, haha.

fading*away ;
2:46 PM

Saturday, November 14, 2009

more than half of my papers are over, i now have one paper next tues, two papers next next monday, then finally the last two papers on the 3rd and 4th. slacked the whole of today away and discovered that my body clock is really screwed cos it's 230 now and my brain is at its optimum.

worried about the papers that are over but there's nothing i can do about them. i just know for sure that my GP is gone, gah. downfall of bad time management. and math! screw careless mistakes!

i feel bored talking about exams but i realise my life is that boring now... studying, or rather 'studying' at the airport was fun, hahahha! growing water infants(haha) and all the thoughtful discussions/random gossip etc. at times like this it makes me feel that life is actually not as bad as what everyone perceives it to be :)

i think i should force myself to go to bed. and anyone that's actually reading this, please do drop a hi at the tagboard! it is terribly dead. i miss the feeling of finding new msgs on my tag, gah! or maybe all the stat jumps on my page are contributed by strangers? :/

i miss entries in my guestbook :(

fading*away ;
2:30 AM

Saturday, November 07, 2009

A's is in two days. haha. studied for two years, six years, twelve years just for these four weeks.

but it seems like im just gonna let them pass like the wind..

what have i been freaking doing? :(

the toughest part will be the first week. when it's over, my A's are practically over too.

no being bothered by other people. when this week passes, i must know i have done my best. i do not care how others do. and i wont let others sway my thoughts.

i hope i am ready.

fading*away ;
11:30 PM

Monday, October 26, 2009

tonight, i WILL bid goodbye to my computer. i MUST. no more 'i'll only go online to read FML and play a short game of solitaire'. no more facebook no more youtube no more kang xi lai le no more bloghopping! NO MORE!!!!

felt better after the chat on the phone last night... like having said everything that was bothering me. i think i just need to talk. whenever i meet troubles, all i need is to talk and i'll instantly feel better.

today was even better, due to the surprise visit. my deaf ears couldn hear him calling out my name (like once in a lifetime) to get my attention before my mum and dad called me to open the door for him. thanks for the hersheys, the milk and the m&ms, and most importantly, your time. i swear if i didnt see you today, i would go berserk and burst from uncontrollable internal restrain. i'm sorry i've been nothing but trouble and worries, but i hope you do know the reasons behind..

and even though you wont see this in time and i wouldnt even know if you've seen it, please take care of yourself and drink lotsa water! i cant afford to not see you, and i cant afford to fall sick so you had better get well soon :)

i really hope i wont come on again. i need to practise discipline. come on fighting spirit! come back to me! or i'm gonna bribe other people's fighting spirits to come and fight for me!

all the best for A levels everyone. in 6 week's time, we'll be flying.

fading*away ;
12:12 AM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

我不奢望
我也不指望

但如果你給了我希望
能不能不讓我失望?

fading*away ;
1:32 AM

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Prelim results are back, aye. I can't explain my gratitude towards mr pek for what he has done, but it wouldnt be good to announce here so.... i just have to say i am very touched! :'( ayee im just glad that for now i passed everything.

a lil overdue, that was surprising peiyi at victoria hall! scary thing cos while waiting for peiyi in the canteen at around 10pm, mr tan (yew hwee) came over! you can imagine the rest :/

it was farewell assembly yesterday, felt a little overwhelmed during certain parts of the programme, especially at the teachers' video. the programme last year was better, but this year is special too i guess. it's probably the last day the class would get together before the big a's. my impression of s34 is retained at the pae period where we all goofed around during the breaks, the happy and carefree j1s. i find it hard to accept that 2 years have passed so fast; it was practically yesterday when i first stepped into the hall in my pinafore, with many other colourful uniforms surrounding me. and now, we were the graduating batch sitting at the front of the hall looking at videos seeing what we've been through. it's been so much, but it has been so fast. mr chan's speech 'nobody, nobody but you (butt choo)' was surprisingly good and meaningful. i havent and will never regret coming to vjc, for the people i've met, for the things that happened, for the identity. i'll always walk proud out of school in my uniform or even the slightly hideous pe shirt, and all the sch related shirts that shout vjc.

s34 went to the airport to hang out, it was great just being in everyone's presence. no special words were exchanged even though we knew it was possibly the last time we could gather so happily while not thinking about studies (even though its at the back of our mind). played games not unlike an og outing, and left separately after that... :(

went for open house! less people attended this year, but more hype! stayed throughout and had lotsa fun (: went for both mass dance sessions and omg, due to lack of exercise these two sessions nearly killed me. but anyway good job 26ths, super nova rocked :)

Photo with the bubble machine! failed shot, better shots with zj (:

with the school cat that was featured in mr chan's speech! :D

Haha okay this is a little incongrous to the whole post but i just wanna put it up! the more you say you ugly the more i want to put up your photos. lol we ugly together okay?

i wish i could swap my eyes for yours :(

fading*away ;
12:39 PM

Saturday, September 19, 2009

haha happy 10.

i dont know what's up with my sudden openness about posting up pictures haha but i guess there's no reason not to anyway. dont know why the photo's so blur even though its resolution is not bad :/ but other than not being able to accept the fact that he has bigger eyes than me (hurr), i like the picture :)

thanks for being here, when times are so bad and when i feel as if there's no other people to tell what's going on. i hope i didnt shock you with my dismal life all these while with things i never got to tell you about cos i was too happy to be in ur company. but thanks for the support and concern, i dont know if anyone else in the world actually really cares about what's happening in my life now. im just glad i have you.

fading*away ;
10:30 PM

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

this is as dead as me, i swear. i can hardly bring myself to revive it, but reviving it seems like a better obtion than reviving myself :/

prelims preparations are shit. i wonder when i will ever peak. maybe i need the prelim results to come back and shock me into the mood. argh!

but otherwise, life has been pretty great. am so tempted to post up pictures taken from the recent months, they make things bearable at least. but blogger seems to be in a weird mood, or maybe my computer :/

there're a couple of people im missing right now, a couple from sn, some from vj, and of course the last one that i'll miss even when i probably see him more often than anyone else -_- there you go i said it. now you cant say you got nothing to read on my blog hurr.

xuezhen/liyi/charmaine/peiyi! whoever who sees this date me! i miss yall :(

fading*away ;
1:42 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

my mono and duo's in less than 24 hours' time, but i am feeling weirdly calm even though the thoughts of my inadequacy are swarming around in my head. so are the tangled-up neurons in the brain. i need to get rid of the pounding by tomorrow morning, so i can keep a sane and peaceful head.

i must say as much as i miss last year, the exams this year make me realise how important the 0809 batch is to me. it is us that pulled through last year together, crewing and slotting upside down for at least 7 seniors each, coordinating and organising public p, shutting up for seniors around the sch/spaces, worrying for their pieces, everything. yet this year, it is still us, the same batch, fending for ourselves for everything mentioned above. i might complain, but i do not regret. it is after all the last batch of tsd students that have experienced the spirit and camaraderie. i do pity the juniors that they do not have the luxury to enjoy anything we did. but looking at them now, it is only their own loss since they do not attempt to contribute anyway (the bulk of them).

ohwells i guess it isnt the best time to lament all these. i love you tsd 08 batch! we will shine and emerge happy and fulfilled champions (: anticipate friday, lovelies.

fading*away ;
11:25 PM

Sunday, June 14, 2009

all i know is i'm going crazy.

Lost WIthout You - Delta Goodrem

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you’ve gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I’m lost without you I’m not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we’ll never be together and we ended with goodbye
Don’t know what I’d do
I’m lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I’m lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I’m so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You’re the only thing that’s on my mind

Oh my bed's so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I’m not too proud to say

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can’t stop the tears from running down my face

fading*away ;
8:48 PM

失眠

想起我不完美你会不会
逃离我生命的范围
想著你的滋味我会不会
把这个枕头变得甜美

*想起白天的約会
忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水
远离我梦中的堡垒

*一个人失眠全世界失眠
无辜的街灯守候明天
幸福的失眠只是因为害怕闭上眼
如何想你想到六点
如何爱你爱到终点

想起我的时候你会不会
好像我一样不能睡
想像你的曖昧我会不会
数不到绵羊一双一对

i will not seek.

fading*away ;
2:23 AM

Thursday, June 11, 2009

i have a stubborn ulcer that healed but is now growing back even before the ulcer scar disappeared. but finally the nosebleed season is dying down, am not getting anymore in the mornings or at night. so shifu! lol even though you wont be seeing this, you dont have to give me ur power herbal medicine etc anymore!

i remember last yr his power herbal pill healed my crater ulcer(record setting, according to people who saw it)! but it failed to cure ryan's, probably because he purposely, crazily, stubbornly rubbed salt into the wound(literally) while we were doing pw at yixiang's house last yr, even though i kept telling him it wouldnt work.

i am lazy bum. i hope i will stick to my schedule. but my math is seriously dead. ahhhh! shen ah, jiu jiu wo ba! i need a power brain!

been having lotsa moodswings lately. which is irritating, because i cant control them and i am bloody affected. need to stop the thousand thoughts swimming in my head, and all the irrelevant and useless feelings associated with them. i need a holiday.

oh, the irony. it is the bloody holidays.
you know what? i am so hopelessly into you i want to kill myself. the thing is, im not joking about feeling pathetic.

fading*away ;
12:33 AM

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

it's the holidays.

the string of concerts is over, and there goes all my commitments (and excuses to put off work). musicfest, perfect fifth, resonance. they make my jc2 term 2 so full of colours. even though it meant sacrificing going down for every single match support to redshirt, i guess it was worth it in the end. thanks to all who came to support me, especially the tsd people (: and also random people that i didnt expect to be at the concerts and contributed cheers for me. thanks!

good job to other finalists for musicfest, guitar people and harmoc people as well! yall rock!

with the sudden burst of freedom, i am kinda lost. i know i ought to give some attention to those books and notes i neglected for months. but even when reality's already kicked in, my body still refuses to listen to my brain. maybe my brain aint strong enough. hahah.

also started to ponder on alot of stuff. academia, friendships, relationships, philosophy in general... all these thinking make me feel as if i haven't used my brain in a long time. been too caught up in the whirlwind of school. but ohwells. i dont have much time left to linger around useless things anymore. life is sad.

am listening to tank's new album online. omg! i heart tank!!! <3<3 should i get the album? :( dang, why is my bday not coming. hahahah.

meanwhile, nao's house tmr night to stayover. hurrah, we can spend the night bitching about junfeng who refuses to come cos he wanted to study. winner.

fading*away ;
9:53 PM

Saturday, May 16, 2009

This is what doing a CC can cause you. be so bored you go draw pictures to determine ur personality.

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1957375&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

http://drawahouse.com/
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

fading*away ;
6:38 PM

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Musicfest 2009: I'm Lovin' it

The journey was a crazy one. It was a spur of the moment decision when I received Lynn's call one day while I was sick at home asking if we wanted to join the competition together. To think I was so sure that I didn't want to join everytime my council friends asked me to, I actually said yes. But ah, honestly at that point of time, I really never thought about the impending stress and trouble I had to experience. I didn't think of the final result as well. But now looking back at that day, I knew I would have regretted it if I said no :)

Auditions went better than we expected, we sang With You by Chris Brown and really enjoyed ourselves. Zomg, I was pretty nervous while enjoying the atmosphere as well; my hands were trembling and my smile was phoney but that 2 minutes onstage were priceless. Thanks to the audience that boosted our confidence(and Leon who started the clapping thing)! :D

Semifinals was crap, in all areas of the competition. The song was super not up to standard due to my lost voice, we couldn't practise till the day before and I sang almost the whole song in falsetto and didn't enjoy myself. Felt so sorry to have pulled Lynn down and was super guilty when we first got to find out that we didn't qualify for the finals. Then came the controversy of how the teachers decided to put a band into the vocal group category, and after a big hooha they were changed to the most unique performance while we were put back into the competition. But we couldn't feel the ecstacy due to the aftermath of all the righteous anger.

While preparing for the finals, we received the biggest blow yet. Knowing we were super last minute for the previous two times, we started out real early this time but two days before the finals the teachers pressurized us to change our song. It was a horrible and unlucky day; we hastily went to Teo Heng to try out songs. But even after we decided and felt happy to be singing what we really love, there was still this niggling thought at the back of our mind, worrying about how the angmoh Victorians would take our performance. Mr Lim's constant reminder about how half the Victorian population is secretly cheena didn't really help much. The rehearsals on the day itself further crushed our confidence; there were so many technical errors and even by the last full run, we didn't have our lights and sounds during the performance.

What stressed us out most was probably the idea of disappointing the friends that supported us.

But on the final day itself (yesterday), I guess it turned out well. Forget about the mic screw-ups, our friends made it all right (: We hope we didn't disappoint all of you! And we are so darn proud of your screams. Love :)

Second really doesn't seem bad at all. In fact, it is darn good! :D

Secret motivation: Jerald talked to the Guest of Honour from MOE and he said he thought we would win the category! Mr Lin Kuan Tai too told me he thought we were the best, zomg! And thanks to the many friends who believed we were great too :)

There are many people I would like to thank:

Councillors (25ths and 26ths)
I am so apologetic that I couldn't be of help to the event due to being a participant. It was such a waste; it's the last event for the 25ths and I can't be there as a councillor. But you all were still here for me as friends. Thanks to every single one of you who gave Futari your support. You all really pulled me out of depress zone and motivated me to continue, especially from Wednesday till Friday. Special thanks to Wanswen, Zhengjun, Szeying, Victoria, Thomas, Andy, for feeling righteous on our behalf and assuring our performance having watched it and knew what the teachers said. Also wanna thank Geraldine, Lennart, Collin, Kenrick, Katharine, Jerald, for putting up with my depressed face on Thursday, motivating me and all. I really appreciated it <3 And of course, great job to all who helped out for duties for the event!

Thanks to the people who were there when I needed you, you know who you are :)

There are many new people I met in the competition, and you all made this experience worthwhile: Hannah, Jed, Lionel, Yelun, and the two other vocal groups Dear Mimosa and 3mic! Musicfest is nothing without all of you!

Of course, thanks Edward(though you'll never see it) for being so imba-ly talented, being able to play the song on piano/guitar just by listening to the song twice. You are our hero! Am so sorry we couldn't acknowledge you yesterday. But you do feel our love, yeah? :D

Also, to all that wished us good luck and gave us your support, you are loved!

Lastly and most importantly, LYNN! You are the best, seriously. Without you, I am nothing. Thanks so much for these two months (is it? It feels really long). Short as they were, I'll never forget them. Remember how we joined CSS two years ago? I'd never imagine I'll be joining a singing competition in the future with you! It's my very very big honour, seriously. Your voice is _____ -speechless- you know what I mean, yeah? It's over now, I guess all the trouble was worthwhile. And look! You didn't disappoint any of your friends! So next time anything happens, don't be disheartened. You know all your friends will be more heartbroken to see you down. Smile! I'm done camwhoring with the trophy. Will give it to you next week or something. You totally deserve it :) LOVE!!!

The following photos are from my lousy camcorder. Only these few :/ Am waiting for the rest I took on Facebook!

Thanks Wanswen. Really :)

Closure.

fading*away ;
11:58 PM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

thirteenth day and i'm still alive. with a very low level of energy, though.

things have been bad. i have let motivation slip away yet again, i think it has followed a certain someone to another island as well :( grah.

many things happened in the short period of two weeks, stuff regarding musicfest, IS prelims, and tomorrow's performance at esplanade. ah. mentally draining. it doesnt help to have people around you shooting down your confidence intentionally as well.

i dont know what to say. but the horriblest week is at least over. i cant wait for thurs and fri. at least, i think i'll be the happiest i can ever be for the past three weeks.

fading*away ;
12:34 AM

Sunday, March 29, 2009

have been lazy to blog so havent been publishing anything even though i've tried coming to type some stuff but always gave up half way. but since this time someone special whined about it i shall blog for blogging's sake!

but actually there were quite a number of interesting things to talk about in my life just that they arent all that interesting to be talked about alone :/

ahhhh first there's the common tests! zomg for the first time in more than a year i actually feel slightly relieved about my grades. i passed everything and improved in all subjects except math(bahhhh expected karma, i was too lucky last year)! zomg even mr pek made the point to mention that i improved im so happyyyy! ((: but we havent gotten gp back yet so i shant be happy too soon.

but for friends that did not do well enough or didnt reach ur expectations, im sure yall can make it in the long run!

ohwells. having slacked the whole day, i need to do some work to reduce the feeling of guilt :/ a well as to not drop back into the pit and fail any subjects again!

wanted to blog about my venture to geylang near 11pm at night but hmmmm it's gonna sound kinda weird, i'd rather give a verbal account of the experience. felt rather scared at times but since i have 3 men as protection (where 2 are adults) i guess i was pretty safe. felt kinda dubious about all the men that we walked past, and even more dubious about the scantily dressed women that flooded (i mean it, flooded) the back alleys, away from the main roads. but overall the trip made me think about many things, i guess it's beneficial. even though i dont encourage this but it would be good to go stroll down the little roads of geylang to see what it is really like. just dont make any eyecontact and dont stop walking unnecessarily... haha.

ohwells. i hope it wont be long before i come back to update again. hahah (:

fading*away ;
10:30 PM

Friday, March 20, 2009

noms camp is over, but we dont feel much settled. jerald, diana, disco, bunk ics and especially the facils have done our best in passing on what they ought to know, and the rest is up to them. much as i want to talk about details of the camp, whether with the noms or behind the scenes, it wouldnt be good to be read by other ccas or the noms themselves, haha so i guess we shall all keep it as a good memory.

i have faith in the 26ths.

ytd was an awesome day wahahhaha.

alrighty. i dont know what to say so :/ jc life sucks. there are so many things happening that i cant even bring myself to take time to blog about it! ohwells. blame myself if i cant rmb anything ten years down the road :/

fading*away ;
1:32 PM

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

-breathes-

time passes so fast. i had the impression that yesterday was sunday, and i was preparing for gp. and now i'm left with the last day!

i haven't been taking CT1 like a major exam so studying's been more of relaxed rather than tense like before promos. i wonder if i'm weird, but im actually starting to like studying. (but only at this pace)

won't be expecting much for results. especially for math(!!) and maybe one between chem or tsd (since i have to prioritise one over the other boohoo). bio hehhhh.... i have never passed bio exams (excluding tests) ever since i came to vj! to think that was my strongest science in secondary school ):

aye hope for the best. afterall, like everyone says, it's only ct1...

[looks at time, yelps and returns to work]

fading*away ;
10:50 PM

Saturday, February 28, 2009

Victorian Vaults: the Test of Time

it's been three weeks since orientation ended. it seemed like two months ago or something. everytime i think about it, i feel this strange emptiness within. it was almost like withdrawal symptoms from drugs. a few months of preparation was gone in a flash; the adhoc was meeting on an almost daily basis for two months and suddenly, we didnt have to meet up anymore.

the process of planning was a really enjoyable one. i cant thank god enough for giving me this wonderful adhoc (maybe not totally, but it's the flaws that make us treasure the other good things). i'll never forget our bitching sessions over people like WMD (weapon of mass destruction) and many-more-i-dont-think-i-should-mention, random things like the bright yellow schoolbus, our ban mian and popeye's ventures, the guys' dirty jokes, our camwhore session(one only), and the video which featured victoria's leg.

the four main days of orientation flew past in a blur. we started out excited and psyched, seeing our freshmen and OGLs clad in the shirts we designed, watching them move around the school. problems surfaced but i guess we took things into our stride and moved on. day one ended late, the victorians went home tired but happy. as the days went by, the activites grew more packed and more problems arose. there was tension within the adhoc as members broke down due to stress or disagreements. i was very afraid our adhoc would fall in the most crucial period, after we'd come so far. but we didnt; what happened made us stronger and closer, and made us realise the importance of each and every person in the adhoc.

i cried. cried hard on thursday while the ending skits were going on. i couldnt take the fact that all these were going to end. it was a very beautiful dream that i could not bear to wake up from. planning for orientation and watching orientation being carried out must have been the happiest and most wonderful times in my term as a councillor. i want to put my feelings into words but i simply cannot describe. like jerald said a few times about how he would think about orientation adhoc while going home after an adhoc dinner or meeting, and feel very xing fu (yeah, coming true from jerald). i had the exact sentiments, and im sure the rest of the adhoc did too.

when mass dance at suntec ended, and we found a place to stone up in suntec city, we just sat around and let the message sink in. while we all sighed in relief that everything is over, at the back of my mind i was dwelling in the atmosphere of the adhoc's presence and playing back memories of the process. as reluctant as i was for orientation to end, i guess i had to let go.

hearing people chat about orientation, feeling sad that it's over, and those random cheering and mentioning of orientation-related stuff around school are the best birthday presents i've gotten this year.

i really want to thank the adhoc for being the best team of people in the world, i really appreciate all of you for all that you have done (or didnt do[not meant to be sarcastic]) and making orientation so wonderful. i'll never forget all of you:

jerald (the best and nicest and secretly dirtyminded ic)

kenrick (the seemingly evil but actually very nice and 'terrible in admin' banmian lover)

lennart (the venomous and bitchy bi with a fatal stern face)

victoria (the easily amused cluedo hero with contagious laughter)

stacy (the zai treasurer with the best and most creative sarcastic comments)

kevin (the happy and innocent little boy who's starting to take after lennart)

menglu (the extremely underweight [to my envy] one who always gives a smile)

nadia (the talented artist who says 'chute' and is super encouraging)

subra (the one who stays optimistic and enthusiastic no matter what happens)

and thanks to all councillors and everyone else who helped make orientation such a success.

i love and miss orientation2009!

we really look like one happy family.

fading*away ;
9:00 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

THIS IS A POST DEDICATED SPECIALLY FOR GERALDINE QUEK!

oh man i'm so sorry cos i recorded on a separate sheet the people who wished me, and there was a 'before 12' and 'after 12' list! then cos most of the ppl who wished before 12 wished after as well so i didnt put that in my blog T_T so indeed i missed you out! im so so sorry!

but other than the big sorry i have to say a bigger thankyou, for wishing me so many times the day before, announcing my bday to almost everyone you see with me, for planning the dinner and worrying so much about it, for making me the super nice card and putting up with my sian face while trying to be high all the same! i feel so apologetic but deep down i know all the efforts you put in for trying to make me happy for my bday. thanks so much and sorry! :( i love youuu!!

fading*away ;
12:43 PM

Monday, February 09, 2009

saturday was a really great day spent with maine and peiyi (boooo liyi couldnt come) after waking up at 2pm :D the two embarrassed me by forcing me to take photo with the green towel they designed in the middle of orchard mrt station. zomg! had haagen daz and suki sushi and man indulgence is bad! camwhored alot but i no facebook so cannot kope :(

sunday is (:

thanks to all for wishing me, (in chronological order) weien junfeng collin kelvin laypeng wanswen yvette jerald arianto sam sandy tenghui may lennart kenrick diana mingee jonathan yixiang harkhui victoria szeying fongsun peiyi elizabeth yeowboon naomi benjamin wensiu cherylmoh kevin amanda nadia zhengjun jiayun katharine kiahong junyuan eva rouhui vanessa anges liyi alicea cheryl xuemin zhanyi ryan weiling (1111) charmaine yanbing leonard xuezhen, classmates and other councillors as well as tsd people that sang song and ate cake with me :)

hope i didnt miss out anyone!!

and of course those who gave me stuff i love love all of them ((:

im eighteen now, im so old T_T but i shall embrace the new freedom that i'm legal for, and hopefully i will nv da shi ba bian eventually!

thanks to all that contributed to a smile on my face on 08022009 :)
especially you.

fading*away ;
10:58 PM

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Orientation is over. I have not totally accepted the fact yet. i guess i'll come back another day when the message has totally sunk in, to reflect and thank all that has made this event possible.

PED. Post event depression. or rather POD for post orientation depression.

i dont even feel that im turning eighteen. all that is in my mind now are images of orientation. but i guess i should treasure the last two hours of being seventeen. i'm so old :(

fading*away ;
9:55 PM

Friday, January 23, 2009

mass dance during an event was the best so far today! there were even more people dancing today than during open house. zomg. must be because of the orientation spirit :D (though i am not pleased i'm gonna turn a shade darker again)

orientation meeting with miss lim was fruitful, motivational.

"are we gonna do our best?"
"YES!"
"is anyone going to complain that orientation was lousy?"
"NOOOOO!!!"
"is this going to be the best orientation?"
"YESSS!"
1, 2, 3-
"ORIENTATION ADHOC 2009!!!!"
-goes crazy screaming in the garden beside the concourse-

jerald was saying that the group hug was a very 'Amen' moment. ah, that made me kinda miss sn :(

had swensens, then back to sch for meeting till 9++. and tmr meeting continues at 9! ah, orientation mood omood omood!

i'm going crazy. O:

duo's are over. ultra zomg!! good luck to the rest of the duos yeah!!! jiayou!

fading*away ;
11:38 PM

Monday, January 19, 2009

i have noticed the jump at my hugs counter.
and i have read the posts in my gbk.

thanks for actually remembering my lunar bday, that was so sweet of you. dont see i act very nonchalant, i was very surprised and sincerely touched! ((: xiexieni, imy and ily many many too! -hugs-

thanks for all the encouragement i've received from the people around me, especially from council, whether it's the congratulations for passing chem R, or jiayou-ing for orientation, or all the bests for tsd prelims, i appreciate all of them and i am motivated to do well!

and thanks wanswen for listening to me rant when i was feeling a little lousy. i feel so much better now (: you can count on me for a listening ear too :) love!

fading*away ;
11:16 PM

Sunday, January 11, 2009

in 12 hours i'll be walking into school. i cant describe the feeling, it's not ecstacy but it's not fear too. it's a kind of nonchalance which i hope is not because i'm losing the passion for school. maybe it's just that i've already frequented sch for the past months. taking the r papers in sch uniform plays a part too.

here's good luck to all the sec4-and-j1-to-be people! all the best for ur O level results! i hope to see many many of you in vj :D (and enjoy our wonderful orientation2009)

teehee, i actually have no idea why im here when im supposed to go crazy over my cc. i think i just needed a random outlet to release steam before i start. maybe elsewhere.

i wish i could stop all these negative things running through my head, but i just can't control them. i dont know why this seemed to disturb me much more than i used to, when it's not supposed to be the case.

bless me.

fading*away ;
6:53 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2009

ah, beautiful saturday afternoon. after the revolting arghpapers are over, everything seems a thousand times more wonderful.

although im still sulking over not being able to go back to sn to visit huahui even though i resoluted to do so last week! i had 3 chances and i wasted all of them :( thanks so much man... (to the people whom ought to be guilty! hahahha) so that sets my record for being the unloving and ungrateful senior who's never visited huahui ever since i graduated -_-

as i was saying, the r papers are over. and omg. i have no comments. i always have no comments about my academic results. look at promos. i was saying if i were lucky i'll pass chem and if i were lucky i wont get U for bio. well in the end they compromised and i got S for both -_- and my bio was better than chem! jiak sai. my sec 4 results too reflect my inability to predict how well/badly i did for tests and exams.

sigh, i just hope i dont get into anymore trouble.

missed purity class chalet to celebrate someparticularone's birthday, and my reward was to see thatparticularone sulking from across the table during dinner! boohoo. to think i sacrificed so many crucial studying hours over it sniff... okay okay im joking lah. due to the lousy me it was kinda a lousy day :(

new year resolution #1:
I shall not be indecisive!

it's quite late to start thinking about new year resolutions huh. but it's okay! cos school hasnt reopened and i think that's when the year starts properly huh.... i'm sort of only left with two days of holiday, without peace; i need to start writing my critcom due monday -groans-

new year resolution #2:
I shall not be lazy and procrastinate (too much).

ohwell. i make this resolution every year and never achieve it.

not to forget i have my homework and all!!! mr young's so gonna kill me. and oh, i hope the new chem tutor.... hmm i shan't announce how i want him/her to be different from ms chia.. the people who knows will get my drift anyway!

new year resolution #3:
New blogskin. To be viewable by both firefox and internet explorer!

alright just 3 resolutions for now. when i find more shall update. i should start on number 3! (and conveniently ignore number 2)

fading*away ;
1:11 PM